1. |
In Recent History
04:00
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[Intro]
I've felt derealization a lot in recent history
I feel like someone but is it somebody else
In my reflection reflecting on mentions of my self image
Realizing that I barely know myself (a mirror starts out as clear glass)
[Verse 1]
I distract myself with games and friends and weed
In recent history
I write new songs in spite of words to be (a mirror starts out as clear glass)
In recent history
But I don't wanna find it out again
And make it recent history
So I won't be the body I wanna be (a mirror starts out as clear glass)
And distract myself from how
[Pre-Chorus]
Everybody learns
Everybody learns
To be afraid
[Verse 2]
I went to therapy burying the varying success I had before
Marrying the idea that with knowledge I can soar (a mirror starts out as clear)
Higher than I ever have with nor
Ideas of my parents or ideas that I'm bored
Means I'm dying in a crying fit (a mirror starts out as clear glass)
Lying that I'm fine and it's
Understate the current situation so I fly from it
I don't get it anymore than you do but it's fine (a mirror starts out as clear glass)
I tell my partner who I cried to for an hour
[Pre-Chorus]
Everybody learns
Everybody learns
To be afraid
Everybody learns
To fake it til you make another you
You can't escape
[Chorus]
In recent history I'm here for nothing boring
Maybe I wanna just forget and get ignoring (so what?)
And maybe I could, maybe I couldn't (a mirror starts out as clear glass)
But I don't wanna find it out
In recent history I'm here for nothing boring
[Bridge]
I have someone to love
Someone that matters
Someone who cares
Someone who's there at my worst
I have someone to love
Someone that matters to me
Someone who sees right through me
(A mirror starts out as clear glass)
I'm the mirror
I'm the frame
I'm the wall on which it lay (A mirror starts out as clear glass)
Watch it closer
Watch it fall
(A mirror starts out as clear glass)
I'm the dirty
I'm the stains
I'm it all of which will break (A mirror starts out as clear glass)
Watch it closer
Watch it fall
[Chorus]
In recent history I'm here for nothing boring
Maybe I wanna just forget and get ignoring (so what?)
And maybe I could, maybe I couldn't (a mirror starts out as clear glass)
But I don't wanna find it out
In recent history I'm here for nothing boring
[Outro]
(A mirror starts out as clear glass)
I've felt derealization a lot
In recent history
(A mirror starts out as clear glass)
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2. |
Making Of
03:25
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[Intro]
I don't wanna believe it and decide I am
Said it a year and a half ago
In the first song I released
[Verse 1]
My dad listened and cried
Proud of the child they raised
But didn't hear the lyrics
Didn't hear a single one
He just heard the sadness in my voice
About to cry
I couldn't fucking stand it
Could see it in his eyes
A wish to understand it at all
But he doesn't believe a thing I'm thinking
Already told me it's a phase with dating men
[Chorus]
Cause all my friends know me as her
Yeah all my friends know me as her
And it hurts to know he'll never know
To know he'll never know
To know he'll never know
[Verse 2]
My ex listened and tried
Helping with every little detail in mixing and vibes and it did
Made some of the best come out of my mind
Walking me through every single step
Wouldn't have released if he hadn't want to help
Wouldn't have been here if he hadn't want to mend
But after a threat to ruin me
I'll never get to share what that song meant
[Chorus]
Cause all my friends know me as her
Yeah all my friends know me as her
Cause all my friends know me as her
Yeah all my friends know me as her
And it hurts to know he'll never know
To know he'll never know
To know he'll never know
[Bridge]
And no they're not fucking dead
No they're not even med
Though it feels a little like they are
It's because of their heads
Thinking hate is the best
Route to get where they want to be
And no they're not fucking dead (and I'm)
No they're not even med (making aluminum)
Though it feels a little like they are (to layer on glass)
It's because of their heads (and reflect on it all)
Thinking hate is the best (to layer on glass)
Route to get where they want to be (and make a mirror)
So why not take a walk and never walk back
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3. |
Walking Into The Sun
04:29
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[Chorus]
Hey ho
Walking into the sun
No show
Takes a moment unplugs
She goes
Cleans her room up for fun
She hasn't done it in months
[Verse 1]
It's been a month since I went to that support group
It's been 2 months since therapy last went
Without hitch
It's been 3 since vacation with my partner
Was nice a good change of pace
4 since vacation with some friends
Still haven't unpacked
And 5 months since I last felt in control
[Chorus]
Hey ho
Walking into the sun
No show
Takes a moment unplugs
She goes
Cleans her room up for fun
She hasn't done it in months
[Verse 2]
It's been 6 whole months since I started thinking
Bout buying a new PC
And 7 since I spent time with a highschool friend
It's been 8 damn months since I turned 21
And I got drunk in a call with my partner
9 months since my ex decided they hate me
And 10 since I got asked out
[Chorus]
Hey ho
Walking into the sun
No show
Takes a moment unplugs
She goes
Cleans her room up for fun
She hasn't done it in months
[Bridge]
Laying in bed
Thinking through it all
It's been 11 months since you first met up
And 12 since you last felt great
Hey
Hey
Walking Into the Sun
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Walking Into the
[Chorus]
Hey ho
Walking into the sun
No show
Takes a moment unplugs
She goes
Cleans her room up for fun
She hasn't done it in months
(A mirror starts out as clear)
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4. |
Said It Out Loud
07:30
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[Verse 1]
When you first said it aloud
It made it click it my head
It's been 12 months
Since we've last felt great individually and
11 since we started thinking
Bout getting together and it's really making
Less sense as we realize the love that's sinking
We desperately pull at strings that we've been raking in
In passing mention of words
[Pre-Chorus]
Left to say
Laft to make
And even through everything
You say
[Chorus A]
Maybe it's fine
Maybe it's not
Maybe the worth all the pain I've got
[Verse 2]
When you said it out loud
I realized you know me better
That I'll ever know myself
I found a huge part of me with you
And hate knowing those who missed it
So what do you miss if there's nothing
[Pre-Chorus]
Left to say
Laft to make
But even through everything
You say
[Chorus A]
Maybe it's fine
Maybe it's not
Maybe the worth all the pain I've got
Maybe it's fine
Maybe it's not
Maybe the worth isn't what it cost
[Chorus B]
I had my first panic attack
A week ago
And you saw me through the panic attack
And it didn't help what the
[Verse 3]
When I said it out loud
Couldn't see me start sob
With the camera off now
Ask a question on how
How to stop what I'm feeling
Since I'm feeling it now
At 4 am alarm is set to 10 and sleep is needed for work
But talking is not working at all
It's making it worse
Making it worse worse worse
[Chorus A]
Maybe it's fine
Maybe it's not
Maybe the worth all the pain I've got
Maybe it's fine
Maybe it's not
Maybe the worth isn't what it cost
[Chorus B]
I had my first panic attack
A week ago
And you saw me through the panic attack
And it didn't help what the
When I said it out loud
[Bridge]
When you said it out loud
I couldn't understand
But it hurt
When you said it out loud
I couldn't understand
But I hurt
And if everybody else
Can live a lil sad why can't you
I understand it hurts
But we truly love each other's dirt and all
And no
It might not be easy
But maybe it's fine
[Chorus A]
Maybe it's fine
Maybe it's not
Maybe it's fine
Maybe it's not
Maybe it's fine
Maybe it's not
Maybe it's worth all the pain I've got
"Love, I'm tired"
[Outro]
When you said it out loud
I realized we love we hurt
And the person I need to be
Well, wanted to be because of you
But I can't do it to please
I need a reason to be
A reason for me
A reason to love without fear of release
So let's not fear the release
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5. |
||||
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[Verse 1]
So listen close to what I say
Would rather live in light and pain and love and madness
Than live another moment in silence just to spite it
Words to be that I said would be reprised
And no
You never really get it
You only ever try
Clear glass is reflective
But the layers make it fine
And maybe it's a line
The more control of light you get
The worse it feels to misalign
Wish I could forget
[Pre-Chorus]
But the mirrors we make
Make a little more sense
And maybe that's enough
[Chorus]
Dream of motion
Posting notes in flight
Walking on the water in a pond
Posting notes
[Verse 2]
When I said it out loud
I realized that it can matter
And when I should call it quits
Subtractors add to the wish
Of never wishing to live
That light itself can flow as freely
As we want it to give
(And no)
You never really get it
But we can understand
Making mirrors less reflective
But clearer than you can
And maybe it's a line
The more control of light we get
The easier it is to find
Wish I could forget
[Pre-Chorus]
But the mirrors we make
Make a little more sense
And maybe that's enough
[Chorus]
Dream of motion
Posting notes in flight
Walking on the water in a pond
Posting notes
[Bridge]
(Posting Notes)
(Posting Notes)
(Posting Notes)
The mirrors we make make a little more sense (Posting Notes)
And maybe that's enough
[Chorus]
Dream of motion
Posting notes in flight
Walking on the water in a pond
Posting notes
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